Couldn't go out quietly, no it couldn't...

J found out a former co-worker/mentor/friend died today. He was diagnosed with early stage leukemia on Christmas day. BLAM! Dead two days later. What the everlasting fuck is that?!?!?

J and his friend had lost a bit of touch after they stopped working together save for online and phone communication. They always talked about getting together sometime, to catch up in person, to hang out again. This never happened, unfortunately, and now his friend is now gone forever.

This makes the second cancer related death in a year for J, who is a childhood cancer survivor; this makes the passing even more difficult for J to bear. Survivor's guilt is a very real thing...

I met John once and it was a brief meeting--I barely remember it. But I know from my learnings over the years from J that John was A Very Good Man, indeed. We've lost one of The Good Ones.


AND FUCK 2013, TOO!!
As per usual, this came from and if you can't see it over here, please go there!

Jazz Urn

I had to put the urn on the dining room table to get the best picture of it for you, but her final resting place is on top of my bookshelf in the living room next to Diva, who's next to Smudge. As a final touch, J put Jazz's orange sparkle ball in the emptyish spot by the cat's tummy after he placed her on top of my bookshelf.

It never gets "easier", does it? :(
lady_curmudgeon: (Jazz)
( Dec. 13th, 2013 12:54 pm)
Got a message from Perfect Memorials--the urn has been shipped, will be delivered by Fed Ex. The tracking number is still too new to work in Fed Ex's system just yet so I don't know where it is, but I've got a tracking # at the very least so I can track the package's travels if I want to. I'm not worried about it, much; it's just the urn and not Jazz's cremains with it, so...

I have yet to hear from the vet's office as to if they've received her cremains; I don't expect to til next week, honestly. They said it would take about two weeks, and next Monday marks two weeks to the day for her passing. It alternatively feels like longer and as if it were just yesterday still. From my past experiences with cat loss I know I'll be feeling this way for awhile to come. It just sucks that it's during the holidays this time, that's all. Still struggling to get into the holiday spirit, which also sucks.

This morning I woke around 0530 frustrating...and I stumbled into the office and found Ra in her bed and for a split second I thought it was her. This made me have a sad for awhile. Sigh. I don't "see" her out of the corners of my eyes when I'm nattering around the house, at least not so far. That is A Good Thing, as it would only deepen my sadness, which is remaining pretty deep. Sigh.
I finally made my decision regarding Jazz's final resting place...This is the one I chose. Thanks to botia for pointing me directly to the seller, who not only had a better price than amazon, but also offered engraving personalization, which I also took advantage of. Her engraving is Jazz on the top line, with "always in our hearts" for the first and only sentiment line. Instead of the paws in the the example picture on the sides of the engraving, I opted for hearts. Her collar had red hearts on it, so I thought that was most appropriate. I kept it simple. I tried to think of things we sang to her or said to her, but nothing was quite right save for "always in our hearts". Because that's definitely where she will be...

While I'd prefer a brass urn over cold cast resin, I think this was the best choice for my baby. J liked it best of all the choices I was pondering, and his opinion in this is very important, too. It was also "most popular" in the user poll I put on all the various social media accounts I use, so that helped sway my decision as well.

While hers was a cloth basket and not a woven basket, Jazz spent copious amounts of time sleeping in her basket. It suits her memory. I'm pleased with my final decision.

I just hope it gets here before her ashes do...but if not, that'll be okay, too.
Once J got home around 1235ish we sat down for a talk. I told him what was going on with Jazz and what Dr. Bajwa's recommendations were. We pondered bringing Jazz home for one more night with us, but decided she was in too bad of shape to risk bringing her home only to have her life end at an emergency vet in the middle of the night like Diva's did.

We got to the clinic around 1310 or so. Dr. B showed us the x-rays he'd taken earlier, explained where the fluid was congregating at and what he thought it probably meant--some sort of cancer. We told him we thought Jazz should be taken out of her misery. He agreed we were making the right choice. He asked if we wanted to take her home for one last time, but explained how she very well might crash at any time. We thought about it, looked at each other, and shook our heads no at the same time.

Dr. B brought Jazz to us in one of the exam rooms so we could take some time to sit with her and give her pettins and lovins. We loved on her as much as we could, taking turns holding her on our laps snuggled in her blankie from her cat bed from home. She purred a lot, but was so very tired looking and her breathing labored. Around 1405 we summoned Dr. B into the room--we were ready to send her over The Bridge...It was a two-tiered process: first a strong sedative to relax her and attempt to put her into unconsciousness, then the final shot that would stop her heart. He gave her the sedative and left us to say our final goodbyes. We stroked her and told her how very much we loved her, to go to sleep and that she'd feel better later. Stubborn ol' broad fought the sedative and tried to sit up! We were amazed because before that she's seemed so weak and unsure of herself sitting up. About 20 minutes later, Dr. B came in with the final shot; shaving a spot on her hind leg to make sure he got a good vein. It only took a minute or two for her to be still. He confirmed what we already knew--she was gone.

She goes over The Rainbow Bridge to meet up with her sisters Smudge and Diva, and countless "cousins" from when I was growing up. No doubt pets you've sent over the Bridge will have met her by now and she's got a slew of new friends. She's healthy and whole again, able to run free and watch over us until we meet again...

Our Jazz was a fighter. Chronic renal disease barely slowed her down most of the time--she fought it since March of 09. She would've kept trying to fight had we let her, but we both knew she was too tired to go on...Her body gave up on her, but her spirit never did. That makes me smile through my tears...

Rest well, Jazz baby. Mama and Daddy love you, so do your brothers Ra and Lars. You're leaving a vast gaping hole in our hearts that nothing or no other cat will ever refill. You are loved more than we can express. Be free, free...