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I've got 50mg of Benadryl on board, which is allegedly supposed to make one sleepy, but I can't sleep. I laid there for just over an hour before getting up a few minutes ago to take a sleeping pill. Gods, please let it kick in quickly! :/
Life around the house is going to be weird for awhile. The boys are very clingy with me during the day and I give them lots of pettins, lovins and reassurances that everything is going to be okay. Lars still looks worried most of the time and Ra is moping around the house, tail slung low, whiskers droopy. They miss their sister as much as J and I do. I'm still obviously finding myself wanting to call out to Jazz to get her to come sit on my lap or lay by my side. Every time that happens I get even more sad than I already am.
We decided to put Jazz's bed back where it was for Ra's sake, as he tends to lay in it a lot and is seeming to get great comfort from it right now. It's difficult to look at that bed with her blankie in it, empty save for when Ra's in it, knowing she'll never use it again. I miss her "singing the songs of her people" throughout the day and into the night. I even miss the routine of all the care taking and note logging, though I never thought I would say that. I just plain miss that Grand Old Dame of a cat. I know that's perfectly normal, and that I'm going to feel that way for awhile to come. But that doesn't make the now any easier...
We got rid of the half empty fluids bag and its accompanying IV line in this week's garbage. J also took down the hooks off the wall to the entry way of the den from the kitchen that both Diva's and Jazz's fluids bags hung from. I still have two bags of unused fluids in the cupboard; I wonder if I can sell them back to the vet's office, if returning prescribed medications is even legally allowed. There's a bunch of sealed and still sterile needles in the cupboard, too. I've got several cans of Rx food I know I can return to them for a refund as they are sealed. We took the "BEWARE OF FLOOR PEE" sign off the guest bathroom door on garbage day, too; obviously we don't need it any more now that our errant pisser is over the Bridge. Hell, even the slanket on top of my recliner that she used to hang out on haunts me...:(
It's been a bad week or so for kitties in our lives--our friends Brendan and Lydia's Cailet kitty went over The Bridge last Saturday. Cailet was such a curmudgeonly thing; she was totally bonded to Lydia and partially to Brendan and everybody else could sod off, but she was a fixture in their home and we both grew to love her all the same. Our hearts were already aching for that loss...then we had to send Jazz to meet her a mere two days later. The loss of Diva back in July is still lingering in our hearts, too, especially with Christmas coming. Diva liked to hang out under the tree when there weren't any gifts under it and there was room for her to squeeze under. So many memories, all coming back to flood our minds and hearts.
All I can think of is how maybe we waited too long to help Jazz on to the next part of her journey, that maybe we should've ended things when she got the first pleural effusion the Monday before Thanksgiving. She only made it a week after that, and it was a pretty gnarly week at that. I fear she was suffering in her final days, that we missed signals telling us to send her on her way sooner. If that's the case, I hope she forgives us for putting her through that. Somehow I think she does...she was always a very good-natured and very forgiving creature. I hope we showed her enough love before we sent her on her way...
Next task that will suck is to pick out an urn for her ashes. Dr. B says it'll take about two weeks for the ashes to be returned to them, and then on to us, so we've got plenty of time. I've found a couple on amazon that are suitable. I might even go to the pet crematory here in town that's connected to the people funeral home and see what they've got. I want something special for my girl.
Looks like another fitful night of sleep for me...
Life around the house is going to be weird for awhile. The boys are very clingy with me during the day and I give them lots of pettins, lovins and reassurances that everything is going to be okay. Lars still looks worried most of the time and Ra is moping around the house, tail slung low, whiskers droopy. They miss their sister as much as J and I do. I'm still obviously finding myself wanting to call out to Jazz to get her to come sit on my lap or lay by my side. Every time that happens I get even more sad than I already am.
We decided to put Jazz's bed back where it was for Ra's sake, as he tends to lay in it a lot and is seeming to get great comfort from it right now. It's difficult to look at that bed with her blankie in it, empty save for when Ra's in it, knowing she'll never use it again. I miss her "singing the songs of her people" throughout the day and into the night. I even miss the routine of all the care taking and note logging, though I never thought I would say that. I just plain miss that Grand Old Dame of a cat. I know that's perfectly normal, and that I'm going to feel that way for awhile to come. But that doesn't make the now any easier...
We got rid of the half empty fluids bag and its accompanying IV line in this week's garbage. J also took down the hooks off the wall to the entry way of the den from the kitchen that both Diva's and Jazz's fluids bags hung from. I still have two bags of unused fluids in the cupboard; I wonder if I can sell them back to the vet's office, if returning prescribed medications is even legally allowed. There's a bunch of sealed and still sterile needles in the cupboard, too. I've got several cans of Rx food I know I can return to them for a refund as they are sealed. We took the "BEWARE OF FLOOR PEE" sign off the guest bathroom door on garbage day, too; obviously we don't need it any more now that our errant pisser is over the Bridge. Hell, even the slanket on top of my recliner that she used to hang out on haunts me...:(
It's been a bad week or so for kitties in our lives--our friends Brendan and Lydia's Cailet kitty went over The Bridge last Saturday. Cailet was such a curmudgeonly thing; she was totally bonded to Lydia and partially to Brendan and everybody else could sod off, but she was a fixture in their home and we both grew to love her all the same. Our hearts were already aching for that loss...then we had to send Jazz to meet her a mere two days later. The loss of Diva back in July is still lingering in our hearts, too, especially with Christmas coming. Diva liked to hang out under the tree when there weren't any gifts under it and there was room for her to squeeze under. So many memories, all coming back to flood our minds and hearts.
All I can think of is how maybe we waited too long to help Jazz on to the next part of her journey, that maybe we should've ended things when she got the first pleural effusion the Monday before Thanksgiving. She only made it a week after that, and it was a pretty gnarly week at that. I fear she was suffering in her final days, that we missed signals telling us to send her on her way sooner. If that's the case, I hope she forgives us for putting her through that. Somehow I think she does...she was always a very good-natured and very forgiving creature. I hope we showed her enough love before we sent her on her way...
Next task that will suck is to pick out an urn for her ashes. Dr. B says it'll take about two weeks for the ashes to be returned to them, and then on to us, so we've got plenty of time. I've found a couple on amazon that are suitable. I might even go to the pet crematory here in town that's connected to the people funeral home and see what they've got. I want something special for my girl.
Looks like another fitful night of sleep for me...
