As 2005 comes to a close...

[lady_curmudgeon]

...I say "don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."

I think I said something similar at the end of the last two years, haven't I?

I've lost so much in the past few years...my father, my marriage, my first degree related job, my mother.

I've found so much more...my freedom from a bad marriage and a husband whom I allowed to suck out most of my soul and my joy; the freedom to be who I really am; the ability to feel joy and find it in the darkest of places; old friends who were pushed to the background for too long; new friends who mean just as much to me as the old friends who have come back to me; an improving relationship with my brother, after not getting along with each other since before we started school; a job that is maddening most of the time, but is a place where I'm valued for my work, my kindness, and my quirky sense of humour (something I've never experienced on the job before); my sexuality and the ability to have a decent relationship with my body image to the point where I'm comfortable dressing like a "girl" for a change--and enjoying it being noticed and received well by guys.

Three of the losses I've experienced rank as being the toughest a person can go through in their life time, with the remaining one following close behind. Any one of them alone had the potential to crush me, but the power of the four of them combined made me stronger. Wiser. More compassionate. More appreciative of what I've got and of what I had. More spiritual. Lots of things. Things I long to share with my parents, but can't, at least not in the conventional sense. They know what I'm up to, and are proud, but that doesn't make me want them here any less...

To my friends reading this: words are not enough to express the gratitude and love I feel for all of you who've been with me through all of this madness, held me up when I was knocked down, cheered me on through the good times, laughed and cried right along with me, and kept me and my family in their thoughts through thick and thin. I strive to give to all of you what you've given to me, and I pray that I've been able to give you the same. Some of you see me regularly and/or have been in my life for years in real life; others I'll never meet face-to-face. No matter. I call you all dear friends, and your absence from my life would leave a huge hole in my heart and my life.

Comments

[catmomma.livejournal.com]

*hug* best of everything in 2006

My battle cry

[waterdawg.livejournal.com]

What doesn't kill ya - makes you stronger. Here is to a *better* 2006. Fingers crossed - hoping stars are in the right line - the *god(s)* everyone believes in agrees with us - yada yada yada.

Here is to new beginnings!

I only wish I could have been more help ...

[soliloquy.livejournal.com]

I do hope 2006 is a much better year for you! Thank you for being there for me as well. You're a great person.

Take care,
Jenn