( May. 28th, 2017 08:51 am)




Today I remember my wonderfully unique, loving and quirky Mom on the twelfth anniversary of her passing....
Mom and I had a complicated relationship. We just couldn't figure out how to get along for most of my teen years, and it took awhile for us both to recover from all the storms of that time in our lives together. Thankfully, in my mid-twenties, Mom and I figured out how to get along with each other and, as the years passed from then on, we became closer and closer. I cherish those last years with every fiber of my being.

Mom's Soul, I think, is Out There keeping way too busy as she was known to do--futzing with her flower gardens for a short while while loads of laundry were percolating in the house, then in the house again for some household chores, then a break with friends for an impromptu golf game hastily organized with friends, capped off with a long night of alternating between watching her favorite TV shows and making way tong and incredibly entertaining phone calls to those whom she loved, her ubiquitous insulated coffee tumbler filled with caffeine free Pepsi always nearby. That was a looong sentence for a reason--Mom was seriously always that damned busy!!! :D And on top of all that she'd take time away from all of that to take excellent care of hew only granddaughter whom she doted on like crazy a handful of days every week!!! Man, how she loved spending time with Cassie...Cassie was the apple of Mom's eye, and it was so much fun watching the two of them interact <3

As always, Mom, I hope you get a good quiet moment or three to enjoy some time cuddling and petting on Duchess, Bud, Kitty and Callie and Diva (individually, not all at once, LOL) as you cruise your way through your busy day. I was always amazed by your indomitable, seemingly boundless energy...I love and miss you so incredibly much, Mom.



( May. 13th, 2017 07:33 am)
I should be crying...but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping...but I can't stop thinking...
Of all the things I should've said that I never said
All the things we should've done that we never did
All the things I should've given but I didn't
Oh, darling, make it go...
Make it go away...

Give me these moments back
Give them back to me
Give me that little kiss
Give me your hand...

( May. 28th, 2016 07:25 pm)




It's been eleven years since that Saturday afternoon when Mom quietly slipped away while my brother and I were gone from her hospital room, but sometimes, like today, it feels like a lot less time has passed. I put it into much better words, of course, on the Book Face in 2009...

"Mom was a hard worker. She was a secretary or office assistant through her working days, and a damned good one. She'd work all day and came home and worked some more around the house. She loved to garden, especially flowers. She hated shopping, but she loved going to rummage sales. She also liked having rummage sales of her own. She didn't have a whole slew of friends, but the friends she did have were like family to her, and her whole family, both immediate and extended meant the world to her.

Christmas was her favourite holiday. She loved decorating the house and really enjoyed shopping for presents every year, though she hated the crowds with a passion. She lived for the look of surprise on a person's face when they opened them.

In addition to decorating the house, she also made pine wreaths and sprays by hand. She did this for as long as I could remember. Grandpa (and for awhile Dad) worked at the cemetary and after the wreaths were taken off the graves at the end of winter they would gather decorations, rings and stands for her to recycle into her own work every year. They were absolutely stunning. She made them for people for their loved ones' graves and to hang on their doors and never charged a cent for them. The last Christmas she was alive she wasn't able to make the actual wreaths, but she still bought a few from her neighbor's grandson who was a Boy Scout and embellished them with more decorations so Dad and the Grandparents would have nice wreaths for their graves. She tried to show me how to make them, but I never got the hang of it, something I feel bad about. I would've liked to continue the tradition...

She bloomed after she retired. She was finally able to devote time to doing things she loved and found new things to do that she loved as well. Mom and Dad bought a trailer in Arizona and "snowbirded" down there for a few years before Dad died. She would spend her winters making new friends from all over the country and taking part in the various activities around the park. Her favourite was learning crafts--her favourites being quilting and making butterflies out of two litre plastic soda bottles (sounds sorta weird, but they were so damned beautiful). She even learned how to shoot pool and a bit of taekwondo! After Dad passed she was able to go down there one last year before she got sick and she was so proud of herself for doing all the driving by herself.

Quilting. Ah, the quilting. She was a quick study, learning most of her skills from my Aunt Sharon. Aunt Sharon lived up north about 6 hours away, and Mom would drive up there and spend a few days quilting and talking about everything and nothing. Her first big projects were Irish wedding ring quilts for my brother and I, which she gave us for Christmas one year. Neither of us had any idea she had been making them, even though she worked on them at both at home and at Aunt Sharon's. She later told us how she would have to scurry to put everthing away when either of us would stop by without calling first.:) She gave my niece a quilt right after she was born, which she used til it wore out (the last I knew she still has it, but I haven't seen it in awhile...)

She loved butterflies. She didn't collect actual specimens of them, but she collected all sorts of butterflies in made in different media--porcelain, metal, wood, and the plastic ones she made by the dozens for both herself and friends and family.

She absolutely adored her granddaugher. The angels truly sang the day she was born, she was (and continues to be) such a gift to our family. She took turns babysitting Cassie with her other set of grandparents while John and Karen were working. She absolutely loved spending whatever time she could with her! It was something to watch, the doting grandmother.:)

She and I didn't get along very well during my childhood and adolescence. We clashed like oil and water. I prefer not to look back on those years. In my twenties we finally started to mend those fences, letting each other know how sorry we were for the bad times and how we both did the best we knew how during those bad times. We eventually became quite close, as a daughter and mother should be. It wasn't always rosy, but we were able to communicate through the rough times and move forward.

She died from complications of a very rare blood disease called primary systemic amyloidosis. It's so rare that only about 3,000 people are diagnosed with it world wide every year or some such, if I'm remembering the statistics correctly. What happens is the bone marrow produces too much of a certain protein which ends up in the blood stream. The protein then builds up on major organs, eventually leading to organ failure. It primarily affected Mom's heart, which is what I think hastened her death. She died less than five months after her diagnosis. I was with her the last night of her life, trying desperately to comfort her as she fought death, both when she was semi conscious and while she was unconscious. It was the toughest thing I've ever gone through in my life. It was my final gift to her, and despite the pain I went through, I'm ever so glad I was there for her in those last hours.

Mom was definitely unique, and a very strong, loving woman. I hope I can be half the woman she was.

I love you very much, Mom. As I said yesterday for Dad, I wish you peace and happiness whereever it is you're hanging out these days, and I hope you're with those you loved on this Earth who passed before you and have passed since you left us."

I also post this song, as an homage to her, and the very last night of her life that we shared together, as she went onto the last part of her journey.



"Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't..."

Do ya think I've a little bit of guilt, this daughter? Yeah...yeah, I do...And I always will, therapy be damned, though she'd kick my arse hard if she were here to do it. I'm trying to get past it, Ma. I really am.

Love you and miss you dearly, Ma. Hope you're having a ball Out There in the Great Beyond...
...since my Dad's soul took leave of this Earth that early Tuesday afternoon. It's a rare day that goes by that I don't think of him for some reason. I love and miss him dearly.

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Here's a long piece I wrote up on Facebook seven years ago on the sixth anniversary...

"I've been thinking a lot about what to write about him today. Do I write about how he died? Do I write about how much I still miss him? Do I write about his life? Do I write about it all? I need to write something...

He was a quiet man with a dry, sarcastic wit that often exceeded his high school education. I referred to him in later years as a big, grumpy teddy bear. He liked to hunt deer and was a member of the NRA. He loved to argue politics. He was a rabid Packers fan. He was a hard worker; when I was a toddler he worked two, sometimes three jobs to support us so Mom could stay at home and take care of my brother and I. He was devoted to his granddaughter. His favourite foods were blood rare steak, peanut butter, and wild green onions (separately, not together.;)) Much to my mother's chagrin at times, his favourite beverage was beer. His favourite music was both Country AND Western, with bits of bluegrass, folk, and classical music mixed in. He loved a good polka, too.:) He read the entire newspaper almost every day.

He was finally working at a job he really loved when he died. He worked at a nursery, sitting on a tractor all day cultivating between the rows of the planting yards and mowing the nursery's vast lawns. My brother hooked him up with the gig, and they worked together from time to time. It's where he died, of a sudden cardiac event, not totally unexpected, but a shock nonetheless. I'm glad it was quick, and at a place he wanted to be.

I've always been a Daddy's girl. Our relationship could be rocky, but I still could safely say that I had him wrapped around my little finger. On my wedding day, we danced to "Daddy's Little Girl" and he sang to me while he danced. When the song was over, he whispered in my ear "I meant every word." (Mom later told me he sung that song to me a lot when I was a wee sprite, but, sadly, I don't remember it.) Though my marriage eventually failed spectacularly, I will always cherish that moment.

The grief of his death diminishes as the years pass, which is a good thing. He wouldn't want any of us to grieve his loss for so long. But I still miss him, especially on days like today. The almost healed scab of grief lifts a little on days like today...

Despite his faults, he was a good man. He wasn't always the best father and husband, but I think, generally speaking, he tried to do his best by us. Though I didn't always feel it and I daresay I never expressed it, I was proud that he was my Dad. I still am.

Later on I'll hoist a beer or two in his memory. He always scoffed at my snobbiness when it came to beer, and I'm sure he'll be scoffing as he watches over me tonight as I toast his memory.;)

I love you very much, Dad. I wish you peace and happiness where ever it is you're hanging out these days, and I hope you're with those you loved on this Earth who passed before you and have passed since you left us."

Sigh. Where did those thirteen years go off to? :/
Another shocker this morning when I woke up. Such an incredibly gifted and prolifically talented man. He was one of my favorite contemporary actors. And now he's gone. FUCK CANCER!!!

Found these clips on the You-Tube for a little levity to help assuage my deep sadness.

Alan Rickman-off with Benedict Cumberbatch and Jimmy Fallon


Alan Rickman Takes Jimmy Fallon to Task for His Impersonation... ;)



Rest well, Mr. Rickman. You will be dearly missed...
David was one of the many British Music Icons that I worshiped as a young teen, discovering him during his "Let's Dance" period in the mid '80s. Many memories came to mind yesterday upon learning of his death, but the big one that did was the following video clip. Cable TeeVee didn't come to our somewhat rural neighborhood until spring of 1987, so it was public airwaves for us. I WANTED MY MTV SO BAD!!! LOL! My alternative choice until then was a UHF channel (was it channel 50 or 60 out of Aurora, IL?) that mostly played B-list and classic end music videos. David Bowie's "Fashion" was one of them, and it became a fast favorite that I waited for in the rotation with baited breath... ;)

It's not even one of his best songs, but it's just...so...yeah...I loved it, and still love it.

Listen to me, Don't listen to me
Talk to me, Don't Talk to me
Dance with me, Don't dance with me
No...Beep-Beep!

That about sums it up for a weird and awkward new-wave girl in the 80s, doesn't it?

https://youtu.be/GA27aQZCQMk
( Jun. 7th, 2015 10:59 am)
Earlier this week one of my childhood neighbor's daughters randomly posted a picture of her eldest son on her Facebook page. Nothing weird about that, really--it's her kid, she loves him and is wanting to share pics of him with her family and friends, right? And she somewhat regularly posts pics of her kids and grandkids, so no big whoop, right? Gods, I haven't seen hide nor hair of Tim since he was a young adult hanging over at his grandparents' house when my parents were both still alive. He looked great in the posted pic! Nice! Good to see his smiling face!

Well...

Turns out, he's gone. His Mom, April, posted a link to Tim's current hometown's paper's obituary for him on Friday morning to her Facebook timeline. Tim died at home, on 2 June 2015. He was 39 years old...

Tim was born when I was on the cusp of turning seven years old. He was one of the first newborn babies I can recall holding for any length of time, his were the first diapers I can ever recall changing and the first bottles I can recall feeding. I knew him fairly well in his young years when he and his Mom spent a lot of time with her parents next door to us. He was a sweet kid back then. Then the teen years came, along with Some Troubles for him. His young adult years were a bit unsettled, too, based on some of what my Mom retold from his Grandma. I worried about him, though I rarely saw him. There was an odd sort of bond there, established somehow in my heart, when we were so very young growing up together...even with my craggy childfree heart, it seems, "helping" to care for that baby/child all those years ago stuck with me...

There's going to be a memorial for him in my hometown tomorrow afternoon at the cemetery where my folks are interred. I'd go, but my Bridget Mobile is acting a bit wonky lately and I'm a bit wary of making the 80 mile trek on my own with her...so no go... :/ I'll be sending sympathy cards as soon as I get the prayer cards I ordered later this week--it's a carrying forward of something my Mom did with her sympathy cards that I wanted to do for both my Uncle Ron's family and now for Tim's family...It's the Footprints in the Sand poem in case you were curious...Yeah, my agnostic curmudgeonly old self sent away to a Catholic ordering house for wallet sized prayer cards, LOL. That *was* lightning you saw and thunder you heard... ;)

Rest well, Tim. May you find your peace in the next part of your soul's Journey that you weren't able to find on Earth... <3
( Jun. 5th, 2015 08:59 am)
Got some sad news on Monday afternoon from cousin Greg: our Uncle Ron George passed away on Sunday night. Thank God for Facebook Messenger and for hooking up as friends with one's cousins on social media--my brother and I have long since not been published in the Kenosha phone book (I obviously moved away and my brother ditched his landline), and the George side of the family is so notoriously bad for communication...we all love each other to pieces, but with busy lives and all of us being relatively shy and keep-to-ourselves sorts of creatures, we don't communicate much unless Something Happens in the Family most times. Anyway, because of FB messenger, Greg was able to ping me (and I think my brother) and let me (us) know the news and we talked for a while on the phone. He was also able to give me one of Uncle Ron's daughter's phone numbers so I could get more information from her, too. Thanks, Greg, ever so much for thinking of FB to get ahold of John and me!!

Uncle Ron and Aunt Darlene relocated to Arizona when he retired, so seeing them both was a yearly thing at best after they moved. My mom was close to Uncle Ron, and he came out from AZ to be with her in what ended up being her final month of life, caring for her when my brother and I were both at work and unable to be there for her. It was Very Special of him to do that for her, and for us, and for that we are eternally grateful. I couldn't thank him enough before he left for home after she passed...

I'm sad that, after Mom passed, I largely lost touch with her side of the family. She really was the social instigator of the family, and without her...yeah...Anyway, I've now got two George cousin's current phone numbers, so I'll be trying harder to keep in touch a little more often than when somebody among us is ill or dead...For family being so important to me, I'm woefully uncommunicative, aren't I?

Anyway. I hope and pray my Uncle Ron is getting his due rest in A Great Place Out There and that he runs into my parents and his folks sometime soon. That he's healthy once again and cracking those corny jokes...I love you, Uncle Ron...

Here's a pic of my Uncle Ron. It perfectly captures how I remember him--smiling with his whole face, with a glint of mischief in his eyes...

Uncle Ron
The last Mother's Day I celebrated with my mother was in 2005, which makes for nine that I've been without her. I still find myself drawn to the special section of the greeting card aisle to pick out a card for her, still find myself wistfully looking for little tchotchkes to pick up for her that she so loved to get every year...It's a tough time of year, this time of year, and I miss and love her even more than usual...

Figured I would post a couple of pictures of my wonderful, quirky, loving, maddening Mother for your enjoyment...

Here's one of her from her "snow birding" days in Apache Junction, AZ back in spring of 2004. It was the last trek she made down to her winter haunts before she fell too ill to make the trip. The Superstition Mountains are in the background. This is one of my favorite formal pictures of her...
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Here's one of my most favorite pictures of her, period--formal, serious, or silly. It was taken sometime during the early '00s while she was golfing with a friend on a ladies' golf league back home. My Mom was an expert at being silly for the camera--we've got tons of goofy shots of her, some of which I hope to some day get ahold of from my brother to scan and share online, LOL. This is where I get the art of the silly face in photos from, people. ;)
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Happy Mother's Day in Heaven (or wherever it is your soul's hanging out these days...) I hope you manage to get in a round or two today (with or without Dad, LOL--remember: he doesn't really like to golf...) and that you have a really happy day. John and I both love and miss you very very much, and think of you always...
<3
Despite them both being gone now for several years, I still celebrate my parents' birthdays. Today would have been my Dad's 76th birthday had he lived. So, here are some pics for your enjoyment...

Dad, sometime during the early to mid 80s at deer camp, being a goof while cooking breakfast for the crew...
Dad playing the chef during deer hunting season sometime in the 80s.

It's a little weird to be posting a pic from my "starter wedding", but it's really one of the only pictures I have of me and my Dad together in my adult years...circa September '94...
Dad walking me down the aisle, first marriage, 10 September 1994

One of the last pictures of Mom and Dad together, taken in March of 2003 while they "snowbirded" in AZ.
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I was totally a Daddy's girl. While not an all the time sort of thing, I tended to have that man wrapped around my little finger for most of my life. We were pretty good buds most of the time, all things considered. I miss him every single damned day, even almost 12 years since his passing from this Earth. He was One of the Good Ones. Wish I would've told him that more often...

Happy Birthday in Heaven. Or wherever it is your soul's hanging around out in The Great Beyond right now. Have a couple of Cold Ones to celebrate your Natal Day, and be sure to detail whatever motor vehicle you're currently driving around in Out There, too--I know how much you loved doing that Down Here...

Sigh...I wish he was here, dammit... :/
Brookville Animal Hospital sent a sympathy card that arrived yesterday. It was hand written, very heart felt, and signed by both vets. We somewhat expected one, but not with such swiftness or with such feelings behind the words within. It really touched our hearts.

Then this morning around 1100 I got a call from them: I expected it was a call to check on us to see how we all were faring, but it was that Ra's cremains were back from the crematory. WOW! Either that was REALLY FAST or Diva's and Jazz's were on the slow end at two weeks and 2 1/2 weeks respectively. J picked them up after work. J hasn't even started looking for an urn yet, largely I think because he thought he'd have a bit of time to do so. The search will start soon--the crematory sent Ra home in nice metal tin that'll serve its purpose until we can find a permanent home for him to rest in. The clay footprint did us both in--it's absolutely perfect! I wish I would've had that option for my girls when they crossed over, but alas I didn't. That leaves me a little bit sad, but what to do about it now anyway?

Ra take his earthly rest somewhere on J's bookshelf, as my girls have taken have taken their rest atop my bookshelf. We both love our cats and our books, so it's a great resting place for him. <3

Ever so glad he's back home where he belongs...

Sigh...Poor, sweet fella...
( Jan. 3rd, 2015 08:57 pm)
Dr. Lehal did not give us good news when I spoke to him this morning after my last post. Everything that could be done medically for Ra was already being done. There were no "hail Marys" to dig out of the playbook--the playbook was all already in play. There was brief talk of trying to limp Ra through another weekend, but Dr. Lehal was pretty sure we were looking at the end, and very soon...

Wanting to avoid the trauma for all parties involved of going to an emergency vet in the middle of the night over this weekend, J decided that it would be best to send Ra over The Bridge today while Brookville Animal Hospital was still open. While saying our goodbyes at home would've been best, it was not really an option, so we got an appointment for 1340, scheduled near the close of business so we all could take our time saying goodbye with minimal fuss and bother.

We'd been taking Ra to his myriad vet visits in Jazz's old carrier, but J wanted Ra to go out in the carrier he originally came home in so we dug out Ra's old soft-side carrier and its fleece liner. We had Weather today, so the roads were a little greasy from the wintry mix so it took slightly longer for us to get to the animal hospital than normal, and long enough where Ra soiled his carrier with a soft poop that he managed to get all over his right leg. We spent the first ten minutes of our time in the exam room gently cleaning Ra and the fleece liner in the carrier. It was a somewhat welcome distraction from all the barking dogs that were still being looked at. Ra was so out of it the barking dogs didn't even make him flinch. J tried to hold Ra on his lap, but Ra wanted little to nothing to do with either of us. He wanted the cool tile of the floor. Eventually J sat on the floor with Ra, giving much pettins and lovins. I largely left the boys to say their final goodbyes...

Around 1415, Dr. Lehal was done with all his other appointments and could devote his full attention to us. J asked him questions--was there absolutely anything else we could do to keep Ra more comfortable and in better control of his bodily functions. No, everything was being done at its maximum dose already. Would re-adding the correct dose of Atopica make a difference--we'd been giving half the normal dose because we'd run low and the hospital was having trouble getting the liquid name brand Rx of the med for us--no, it would not likely make a difference, and if it did, not for long.

J made the final decision to let Ra go over The Bridge around 1430. Ra's veins were so bad from dehydration and his ongoing renal failure it was decided a port would be installed for his comfort for the impending injections. He officially Went Over The Bridge around 1440. We lingered for about another half hour more after that with Ra, continuing to love and pet him til we were sure his spirit was gone on its way.

Ra and J were best buds for over 14 years, almost 15. He was about 18 months old when Ra picked out J at Strays Halfway House back in '00. J is bereft, devastated and heartbroken and misses his friend dearly. I was a part of Ra's daily life since August of '07 and I, too, am heartbroken and miss my buddy. He was a joy and a frustration, feisty and loving. He was our Buddy Cat. We will miss him so very much...

Rest well, Ra Buddy. You are loved and will be dearly missed...

Ra adjusting daddy&amp;amp;amp;amp;#39;s glasses
Christmas was really great this year, but two people especially were missing--my parents. It's my 11th year without Dad and my 9th year without Mom but I still find myself wanting to get them something special, still find myself reading the Mom and Dad cards in the card aisle...then I remember they're gone and I feel sad.



Today after spending the bulk of the day with my brother and my niece, we stopped at the cemetery on our way out of town to pay our respects. I cried as we left because I still miss them so. Ever so glad the brother person was able to get wreathes to put out on not only their grave but our grandparents' graves as well. As you can see, it's a lovely addition to their "home".

mom and dad xmas 14


Sigh. I was silly and thought it was getting easier to deal with them not being here. Most days are fine. Just The Important Days are still hard, especially Christmas, because Christmas was Mom's Holiday (TM). She would go all out and spoil us all rotten with lots of well-thought out presents. Now I try my best to take her place. Someday I'll get to her level... ;)
...I had to say goodbye to one of the best friends I had in the world.

Jazz came to me and my ex-husband in November of 1996 when she was about 2 years old. The branch manager at the job I was at at the time wanted to re-home her before the birth of his child, thinking she would be too much of a bother after the birth, so he asked around the branch to see if there might be any takers before bringing her back to a shelter. I jumped at the chance--we wanted a kitty Really Bad, and our landlady said we could have one whenever we were ready to adopt one.

Jazz stayed with me when me and the ex split up (we had three cats at the time--Jazz, Maddie, and Smudge; I kept Jazz and Smudge because they were so tightly bonded). She comforted me then, as she'd comforted me through the death of my father and then again with the death of my mother. She helped me celebrate good times, too, always there for me no matter what, loving on me when I needed her most, amusing me to no end with her little quirks (she loved laps, sleeping under the covers with me, and "spanks" from J), and generally being A Very Good Cat.

Saying goodbye to her was bittersweet, even at 19 years old and knowing she was in discomfort that we would not be able to rid her of. She was the closest thing to a child I've had up to this point and the longest I've ever been owned by any other animal in my life. Even a year and a day out, I still miss her so...

Here's a picture of her in much younger years, in her bed at my former flat. She loved that bed, and after she died, Ra took it over for himself at long last...

Jazz in her bed at my old flat

Rest well, Jazz kitty. You are still very much missed and very much loved...
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( Aug. 14th, 2014 01:04 pm)
Though I haven't posted until now about it, I'm deeply mourning the loss of A Great But Troubled Man--Robin Williams. You'd have to be stuck under some sort of desolate rock to not know that Mr. Williams took his own life on Monday morning. I've been an avid fan of his since childhood and his Mork and Mindy and stand-up days. Yes, it was wildly inappropriate for my folks to have allowed me to watch most of the videos of his stand-up comedy from back then, but I'm ever so glad they let my brother and I watch his works from back then. Even though I didn't get the more adult of the bits, I still got enough out of it back then to know that man had an Incredible Comedic Gift, even at that wee 'Tween/Teen age.

As I grew older, I could always tell there was a deep and troubled emotional storm behind the jokes, the manic mannerisms and the laughter. I just *knew*, as only someone who suffers similar feelings can know--and this was before the stints in rehab and hospitals and his self-confessionals on late night talk shows. He *got* it, but could somehow overcome it and be a Damned Funny Guy. I envied that about him, that he could always somehow overcome the demons that plagued him. And then, on Monday, those very demons over took him and now he's gone. Those bastard demons finally got to him and he took his life. And that really fucking sucks. :(

My heart was sad, but grew even sadder when I saw an article on Buzzfeed about how Koko the sign language using gorilla took news of his friend Robin's death. Broke my sad heart a bit more. The world is sadder for losing Robin Williams. He will be deeply missed by so many fans, family, and friends. May his troubled soul find peace in Whatever it is that comes after this Earthly life. May he finally rest well...



If you've got similar demons, as I do sometimes, please do not let those bastards get to you and make you do something similar. I have faith that, when those demons come to plague me again, I'll be of clear enough mind to know they're only ugly voices that lie and are trying to trick me into doing something permanent for a usually temporary situation. The world is better for us sensitive souls being in it, and will be worse off for the leaving of it. Do your best to tell those lying voices to shut the fuck up, and hang on for one more day, one more minute, one more moment, until those evil voices are quiet once again and the better voices can return once again. Think of all the pain from your heart that almost instantaneously gets visited upon those who love you if you were to take your own life--and there are so very many people who love you even when you're unlovable and feel unloved! Know that I am one of many who love you as you are, thorns and all, and that you'll be missed when you inevitably go, especially if you go by your own doing...

That's enough of my attempt at Inspirational Speech about not committing suicide. If you're down and out and desperate to end the pain, do me a favor and try to hang on, okay? I know it's something impossible to wish for, but NO MORE SUICIDES, dammit!! :/
...We were saying our goodbyes to our sweet, sweet Diva kitty, right around this time of day, too...Her renal failure had become fatally acute, ending her 2ish year battle with Chronic Renal Failure. We still miss our dear Diva Doots and singing her the "Diva Dolly" song...

Here are a couple of pictures of her. The top on is from when she was about 2 years old, the bottom one is from the night before she went over The Bridge. We had no idea we were going to lose her the very next day...

Diva!

Diva, 9 July 2013


We love and miss you, Doots. Hope you're keeping good company with Jazz and Smudge over on the other side of The Bridge...
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( May. 23rd, 2014 06:29 pm)
In honor of the coming anniversaries of the passing of my parents, here's one of the last pictures of them taken together back in March of 2003. Dad passed on 27 May 2003, Mom on 28 May 2005. My heart is already growing heavy in anticipation of those two days...I guess the wounds of grief never really completely heal, do they?

As per usual, this came from www.lady-curmudgeon.livejournal.com and if you can't see it over here, please go there!

Jazz Urn

I had to put the urn on the dining room table to get the best picture of it for you, but her final resting place is on top of my bookshelf in the living room next to Diva, who's next to Smudge. As a final touch, J put Jazz's orange sparkle ball in the emptyish spot by the cat's tummy after he placed her on top of my bookshelf.

It never gets "easier", does it? :(
lady_curmudgeon: (Jazz)
( Dec. 18th, 2013 03:01 pm)
Got the call at around 1300 that her ashes were at the cat clinic. I was in the middle of running errands and had some frozen stuff that needed to get home and in the freezer, so I didn't get to the clinic to pick her up until around 1400...

Her temporary urn is in a sealed box that came in a dark blue velvet bag that has "Until we meet again "The Rainbow Bridge"" embroidered on it with yellow thread. It also has a card with it. All will be opened later, once J and I are both home, probably after bowling tonight.

While I'm incredibly relieved and glad that she's back home where she belongs, I also have an immense sad right now. Been fighting back tears since they called me to tell me she was back from the crematory. This is NOT how I wanted to bring my baby home, but I take comfort that her spirit is somewhere out there in The Great Beyond, over The Rainbow Bridge, watching over us til we meet again. She's a good Guardian Angel, as are her "sisters" Smudge and Diva and her countless cousins whom I'm sure she's gotten to know by now and is trying to be her quiet alpha self among them all...

Sigh. My poor, sweet girl. Finally home...
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