Ten years ago, on a sunny and warm Saturday afternoon, we lost my Mom to her battle against the evil disease of primary systemic amyloidosis. She was a week shy of her 64th birthday...

Mom and I had our moments, that's for sure. We didn't always get along--our relationship was colored by emotional, physical and verbal abuse during my late childhood, teen, and young adult years. Somehow, though, we ended up coming to a sort of understanding with each other and ironed out most of our differences sometime during my mid-20s and began to have a more positive relationship. The last ten years of her life were basically the best times we enjoyed together as a mother and daughter. I treasure all that time we shared together relatively peacefully...

Death is a strange thing. I still find myself, even this long later, having the urge to pick up the phone to call her to talk to her about my latest adventures with my cats or find myself wandering down the greeting card aisle around Mother's Day or her birthday wanting to pick out the Perfect Card or realize I'm holding something I want to purchase as a Perfect Gift for her for some occasion...but she's not here for any of that any more and hasn't been for...like...awhile, now...

I still "talk" to her from time to time. She still comes to visit me in my dreams every once in awhile, which is sorta freaky, LOL. Every time I see one of her beloved butterflies I always say "Hi, Mom." because I take them as a signal that she's trying to say hello from Where Ever she is now.

I wonder, like I wonder with my Dad--what if she were still alive? How much different would things be? What would she think of my life choices--would she support them or would she be upset by them? Would she still be as active as she was before she fell ill or would she be slowing down by now from something else? I don't let the "what-ifs" dog me for long, though--they'll drive you mad if you let them hang around for too long.

Mom--Thank you for being my mom. I'm ever so glad we were able to figure things out and have a wonderful and decent mother/daughter relationship at the end of it all. I think of you often, and I love you very much and miss you very much, too. I try not to dwell too much because I know you wouldn't like that very much...but it's hard not to on days like today...

Try to get in at least one good round of golf today Where Ever your soul's hanging out these days today, tend to those wonderful flower beds I know you've still got, and I really hope you see some of your beloved butterflies floating around nearby as you do all that stuff... <3

A couple of pics of my incredible Mom...that I just shared on Mother's Day, LOL

Mom in AZ back in spring of 2004...
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Mom on the golf course, some time in the early '00s
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